Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
