She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
