She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am naked and annoyed.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
