Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
