I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
