its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
