I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
