Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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