it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
