Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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