I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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