I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
