Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
