im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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