all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This is the prime rib incident all over again
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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