We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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