Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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