Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
