I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
