You smell like stripper and shame
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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