when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
