i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
