Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
