I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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