Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
