Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
