i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
