i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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