JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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