After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
