Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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