I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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