his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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