Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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