you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
