I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
