Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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