I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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