No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
