i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
