remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
