My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
