New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
last night I used snow as a chaser
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
