that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
