My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
