I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.