It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying