She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often