my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.