it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?