She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
