I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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