I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
should my penis look like a turkey
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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