i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
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My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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