my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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