You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
did i walk over a car last night?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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