Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
