youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
