Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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