get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
