cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
