No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
worst night to have a conscience
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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