i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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