Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
