The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just want nice things and good sex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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