There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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