Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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