There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Randomize
