I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
