Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
