you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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