if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
