I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
