First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
