i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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