I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
